Congrats, Lance Armstrong

Okay, so I called Lance Armstrong an asshole (right here, on this very site, for all the world to see!), but that doesn't mean I don't respect his accomplishment. Amazing.

Of course, I also saw him on the Today show rambling on about his newfound "freedom" from racing, etc. Lance, buddy, you pretty much had it made, long before you graced us with your retirement. You are king of a sport that pretty much every non-French human being on earth cares nothing about, except for the fact that French people hate you. That makes you an American hero but in no way indicates that Americans like or care about your sport. It is, almost by its nature, a non-spectator sport, thus you technically deserve about three cents of income from it. You also like to use your kids as props to mask the fact that you're kind of a prick, who abandoned his own wife to date an aging rock star.

BUT -- Armstrong has raised a lot of cash on behalf of cancer research and has used his celebrity more for good than evil. Frankly, he's entitled to be as arrogant a prick as he'd like cause he's earned it. Now, about this idea that he might run for Texas governor -- ouch, my gut hurts from laughing so hard.

I think the real future for Lance is in television commentary for bike racing, which will consist of this basic theme: "Yeah, that guy pretty much sucks compared to me. I rocked, and these guys all suck. And French people suck." He can say anything he wants on it because NOBODY WILL BE WATCHING IT!